I had a question, why do I get a knot in my stomach when I try to see if my life looks like Jesus? Why do I always feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be?
Jesus says things along the lines of, "The kingdom of God is like a man who sold everything he had to buy the field with the treasure in it." (Yeah, Not feeling like selling everything right now) or
"You will be great in the kingdom of God if…" (fill in all those scary things that Jesus said to do that "special-forces christians" can actually live out - yeah, not feeling those things either.)
What do I do when He says CONTRADICTING or IMPOSSIBLE things like "I came that you could have abundant life" but then tell me how it's blessed if I'm persecuted (and be joyful about it) and sell everything for the poor? I'm missing something.
The thing is I want to BE that or THINK that kind of way. I know I'm transformed by the renewing of my mind with truth and that brings freedom to me. How though? Freedom from what exactly? The truth sets me free and God made many promises about teaching us an giving us HIS understanding. He talks about a new life. He talks about seeking Him with all my heart and then I'll find. Maybe I wasn't thorough and missed something in His chain links of truth...
So I started thinking "What if?"
WHAT IF I lived by faith and not by what I FEEL or SEE or UNDERSTAND but by actually communing with God and just knowing His nature so well, that the enemy or my mind can't separate me from Him or my trust in Him?
WHAT IF I saw the "christian life" not as a string of issues I have to endure, or sin I have to beat, or a list of commands I have to keep in order to keep God's blessing over me? ISN'T there something more to life than that?
- I have value to God from the beginning - and that he would want to fellowship with me?
- God saved me from myself so I could live to please Him?
- Living to please Him, helps me stop living to please me or others?
- Even dying in His name is joy because it shows how much deep love I can pour out on people who don't care - because I like doing things the way God does?
- Loving like that builds confidence in God's love for me and I can walk in the power of His spirit? Because I walk by faith in the Son of God who loved ME and gave….
- I walk like I am set free and realize its the enemy that seeks to lie, kill and destroy and separate me from the love of God?
- Being set free is simply knowing God in completely vulnerable intimacy like a spouse?
- Being set free is real and the main purpose of Christ's trip?
- It's something I AM because of relationship with God and it's not something I have to work toward to maintain my relationship with God - but it's why Jesus came and He never fails a mission?
- God gave won't manifest spiritual gifts and experiences UNTIL I step out in faith and use it on others to spread His kingdom message that they may be drawn to repentance by the love of God?
- The Christian life was not about fixing me, but about the kingdom getting into others?
- I can stop worrying about preoccupation with fixing me and maybe just submit to God doing His workmanship in my life?
- I am fixed by God by just doing MY job of loving God, Loving others and making more followers of HIS way?
- He set me free for real and forever?
- I could just have access to His power because He lives in me and do all the stuff that He did?
- I have a new heart and new nature so that I GET TO give to anyone who asks, bless those who hate me and sell all I have for the poor?
WHAT IT I actually died to myself (GASP!) and so I can recieve the life Christ wants to live through me that was so kingdom of God centered that it I can't be offended by anything?
WHAT IF the Jesus in me only allows my heart to be broken (not offended) by what others are doing because of what the Kingdom of darkness has done to fellow man to the love Christ compels me to plant seeds of life into them and hope the soil of their heart is ready?
WHAT IF the greatest joys of my life can ACTUALLY be from doing the things Christ did because there is never ending opportunities around me?
WHAT IF if I died to self and the Jesus in me would cause me to stop praying for the people close to me because it makes my life easier and stop "doing ministry" to feel fulfilled, significant and wanted because I realize I AM to God and I'm good with just that?
WHAT IF my idea of blessing was representing the kingdom of God (love) and demonstrating the power of Christ by doing everything from a heart lovingkindness and truth - no matter the cost? In fact,
WHAT IF I'd get more excited by the "toughies" and the insults and persecution because I'd get to show how deep my love is because I know how deep and true the love of God is to both the evil and the good.
WHAT IF Jesus from the throne of heaven, could stop having to prove His love for me because He already did when by His own free choice He chose to actually die FOR ME and become an unrecognizable shredded carcass in order to become sin for helpless me?
What If He HAD to do that because sin destroyed the recognizable image of God in me - nothing like what God planned for me in the garden?
WHAT IF He could become sin, then kill himself (sin) and then the power of God could raise Him to a NEW life (leaving sin dead) and be my NEW LIFE and leave His SPIRIT in me so I can walk with God?
AND what if it were simple. Like when I hear the TRUTH from Jesus and simply TRUST His character and BELIEVE that Him in us is enough, then I'll just OBEY his call to die to me so I'm FREE from myself. Then He can live in and through me! I could stop curling up in a ball while I get kicked with ideas like" I'm not good enough", "I haven't changed" and "You failed that's why God left."
WHAT IF I knew what God thinks I am and believed by faith what He's doing? Then I would I think these are stupid accusations to say to someone who's dead. And that it's even more stupid to say to me being that Christ bought this fixer-upper and the burden is on Him to do the work. If that were the case, I would probably would just have an light burden like stay close to Him.
WHAT IF sin struggles are rare because I'm brand new and just practice walking in the spirit because I stay close to Jesus? Cuz then It's easy to squish sin occurance (not issue) that tries to creep back in or resurrect. I don't try to fix it or hide it but bring it to Jesus to chisel it off, I can't. Besides I realize it no longer belongs to me.
WHAT IF Jesus would make a way to teach us along the way, because we know we don't know how to live this new life? What if the spirit inside us would confirm and teach and encourage so that I don't have to rely so much on messed up people?
Man, WHAT IF all this was that simple and true and the world could be shown examples? Then someone should write a book about it so we'd all know.
Man, if only...